Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
