Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
