Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
