I wanna bring you to show and tell
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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