this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
