I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
