I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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