just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
