how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize