This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
