i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
