Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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