No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
