I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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