So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
