Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my being single is dangerous.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
