but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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