i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
