when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
