i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Boobs speak an international language.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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