Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
