I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We need a shit load of segways right now
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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