Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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