RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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