I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
