don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
