he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
