you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize