im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Someone came in the potted fern
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
