The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
