If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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