Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
