You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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