I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
well you can't waste a boner
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
