my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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