Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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