And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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