your thong is hanging out like whoa
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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