Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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