So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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