where am i from again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
