Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
