I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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