Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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