I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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