Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I currently don't understand fingers.
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