i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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