I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
