I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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