why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
