Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
