maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
