literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
