He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
