tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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