Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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