he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
