Moan for me like Helen Keller
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
