Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
