so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
