i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
