there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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