I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
