I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
