I am spending my child support on dildos
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
