Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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