AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize