Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
