yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
